Smart parenting is a must for the modern age, if you have 1st baby or any number of the children what needs to understand is that every child is different, his needs, wants, behavior, personality order-disorder, likes, dislikes, the list is endless being smart parenting all it requires to understand that every child is a different ball game and as a person, you cannot apply any general principles upon them of course you have to apply common sense and you have to be creative while addressing your Child’s behavior development dilemmas
Repeated Behaviors & Smart Parenting
Today we’re going to be talking about how to address repeated behaviors. Now, you can actually take all of your kids’ behaviors and divide them into two buckets. One is “things you wish they would start doing” and others are the “things you wish they would stop doing.”
You can actually sit down, have a family meeting, and look at the stuff that you are wasting your day on.How many times are you having to say, “no.” and address the same problems?
We are much, much better at finding things we wish they would stop. Don’t worry, it’s your wiring. It’s not bad parenting. OK? Here’s what we need to do: Make a list. Things that you want them to stop are whining.
For me, I can’t take it. It’s always the top of the list and it has to be stopped. Things like whining can be counted. Now, I’m not talking about the endless counting where you get to 10, you go up, you go back.
Counting is actually a two-step process. They get a “one” that tells them, “This is a behavior I don’t want you to do anymore.” They get about five or ten seconds so they can think about a different choice, then they get to the “two.” Once you’re at “two,” this means, “we’re done if it happens again.” They get another few seconds, just long enough to process, and then they get the “three” and an immediate consequence.
The key for “stop” behaviors are by the time you’re at “three,” something about their world has to change. That can be leaving a store, turning off the TV, but it’s a very clear system that you can make two choices and, after that, we’re just done. “Start” Behaviors: This is the hard part. These are the things that we want to motivate but we tend to punish.
So we want them to get in the car quickly, but what we do is start yelling or getting mad or saying, “We’re not going.” If you want them, then there needs to be an incentive that happens only once the seat belt clicks. It can be simple things. It can be a piece of gum. It can be a sticker.
How do you find motivators? Here’s the easiest thing: The things that motivate your kid are the stuff they don’t want to stop doing. Don’t worry, we’re all in this together. Once you’ve got your list, you also need to stay motivated, yourself. Be sure to build in some rewards.
Lying in Children
Another Issue lying in children, it’s a huge button for a lot of parents one of the first things to understand in smart parenting is it’s actually a normal developmental stage so lying is the beginning of imagination but when it persists or when it has negative patterns.
It really does get in the way so when you’re thinking about lying first ask how old is the kid so between five and ten everything up until that is a lot of imagination once you’re getting closer to teenage years then we’re probably working into behaviors.
That have more meaning associated with it I’ve had kids tell me that a whale went to school with them again it’s something you can build on its imagination the problem with lying is it works? We call it a white lie or we have a reason for it.
I get it the problem is when it keeps going and it becomes a persistent pattern one of the biggest pitfalls for us as parents is we want to catch them in a lie so what we do is we set up dramatic circumstances and then we basically get the kid into a place where they have to defend the lie.
My first tip for you is actually just present the situation so you’re not saying I wonder if you did you lie what happened you come in and you say something along the lines of I know that it is missing some money that was on the counter I want you to help me solve this right we’re not trying to catch them to tell us.
What happened we’re letting them know that we know the money is missing and that we need a problem to be solved so when you present the situation if your child immediately lets you know the rest of the story and you understand what happens it’s okay to actually suspend the consequences you can tell them hey thanks for helping me solve this now.
we know what to do now how do we make sure it doesn’t happen again for instance the money was taken because they wanted a video game you can talk about how to earn it all kinds of good options if you’re having a place where they’re still denying it but you know what happened again you’re not asking them to admit it you’re telling them.
What happened and then you’re explaining to them that there are two different kinds of consequences now one is that they let you know what happened and explain the story two is you know what happened but they’re not willing to make the repair the consequences needs to be higher if they’re not willing to come in and fill in the blanks of what happened.
One of the places that really undoes us as parents is how much repetition there is of a consequence for something like lying we all want to have a big moment where we explain it and then their sweet little brain kicks in and says I’ll never lie again it just doesn’t work that way the problem is that sometimes in their life.
If we’re being honest lying has worked so you’re having to combat that with being even more persistent so it’s going to keep happening for a little bit on average it can take 30 days to really get through someone who is getting into that kind of utility lying and a kid that’s saying lots of things that aren’t true each time you show up neutral you explain what you know and you give them the two consequences.
What happens if you’re doing all the techniques right you’re being very persistent you’re explaining and giving to consequence options but lying just keeps happening this is a great time to go ahead and talk to your pediatrician or a child psychiatrist for some kids the lying starts to take on a life of its own and it means we’re missing something else you.
Bullying And Smart Parenting
Today we’re going to talk about bullying. Bullying is a pretty popular topic with parents and unfortunately it happens all too commonly to kids. Bullying can even start in preschool around age three to four, tends to increase during the elementary school years, peak in middle school and then decrease in frequency in high school.
How do you know if your child is a victim of bullying and what can you do about it? Some of the signs that your child might be being bullied at school would be sudden changes in their behavior they may see more sad or withdrawn or angry they may have damaged or lost to physical things like their books or they may be missing lunch money things like that.
Often young children can’t express their emotions through words and so they express them through physical symptoms. So young kids might complain of frequent headaches or frequent stomachaches. They might be accused of faking an illness when in reality those are stress symptoms coming out in physical signs.
They may have other symptoms that they’re upset such as change in their sleeping habits, difficulty eating regularly, a loss of friends, or sudden changes in their friendship patterns. For older kids cyber bullying can become a problem. Older teens who are involved in cyber bullying may show changes in their online usage. They may be upset or depressed after being online.
They might ask you for accounts where they may suddenly be closing accounts or opening new accounts online. As pediatricians and parents, we have paid much more attention to what’s happening to our kids and when they’re bullied. And part of the reason for this is that medical literature has demonstrated that not only does bullying have effects on kids mental health in the present time but has long-lasting effects even in adulthood.
Adults who have a history of being bullied as children have higher rates of anxiety and depression. In some studies, rates that are even as high as or higher than kids who have been abused. So how do you help your child if you suspect that they’re being bullied or if they have confided in you that they’re struggling at school?
First of all, it’s important just to talk to your kids every day about how schools been going for them. Try to get them to open up about what experiences they’ve had. Ask them about good things and bad things that have happened that day. Ask them about who they sat with at lunch. What did they do it recess? Whether there’s anything that they want to talk about that may not have gone well for them.
Help them identify who are their allies or trusted adults at school. Who can go and talk to when things get really bad? It’s also important as a parent to model of appropriate behavior and model how to be kind and sympathetic and supportive to other people. Sometimes your child may not be the one who’s being bullied, but they might be the bystander that could actually intervene and help stick up for a child is experiencing bullying.
If your child admits that they are confronting bullies ask them to remain calm try to avoid letting the bully see them cry and to calmly walk away. When it comes to bullying know the signs to look out for and most important be ready to talk and be ready to listen when your child comes to you and they’re ready to let you know.
Connect With Children
Ever wonder how child psychiatrists like to play with kids there’s actually one fundamental difference we actually emphasize ensuring your kid takes the lead it seems like today everything’s supposed to be an academic opportunity it’s teaching counting or it’s has got to be about the letters of the alphabet but really play is about connection.
So when you’re doing a play activity together with your kid sit down at the same level that they’re and ask them questions who are you who should I be where are we going go if their characters allow them to assign you who to be and then ask each step what you’re going do next and add on so if they tell you.
Yes you’re going to be the superhero you’re going be bat woman and you say that’s awesome I’m this type of bat woman what should I do next do i buy to fly let them answer the question then add that into the play not everything has got to be educational one among the foremost important pieces is that they know that you simply listen to them and you wish and luxuriate in the activity you do not need to pick things that only they like.
It’s okay if you are doing something that’s simple, and that you simply enjoy as well it are often cooking it are often going for a walk then as you go you retain finding ways that you’ll ask them about the experience you.
Thank you for visiting our website for more interesting /informative content click here